“If only I’d followed CNBC’s advice, thumb I’d have a million dollars — provided I’d started with a hundred million dollars,” said Jon Stewart, capping off an eight-minute evisceration of the self-anointed financial wizards at the cable news business channel.
I feel like I need a cigarette after watching his breathtaking “Daily Show” smackdown of the corporatist assholes at CNBC. Somehow the crack reporters at the “only business network that has the information and experience that we need” missed the biggest financial story of the year (the collapse of the global economy) even though it’s their fucking job to anticipate this kind of crisis.
But I guess it was impossible for them to warn us about the oncoming disaster when their mouths were stuffed with so much CEO scrotum. Keep in mind I refer to them as crack reporters because they spend so much time with their noses wedged up the butt cracks of the derivatives traders and Ponzi scheme managers who’ve pocketed millions of dollars in bonuses and stolen capital by turning Wall Street into a multi-billion dollar sink hole.
Faux populist — and alleged astroturfer — Rick Santelli was slated to appear on “The Daily Show,” but he chickened out at the last minute at the behest of his CNBC bosses. Guess he missed the lesson David Letterman taught John McCain last fall. Never ever piss off a comedian. They will cut you.
This video needs to go viral. Watch it, and share it with your friends…
UPDATE: The entire NBC family circled the wagons and mounted a pathetic response to Stewart’s takedown. So far the results have been reminiscent of The Bride’s little tussle with The Crazy 88. Little Jimmy Creamer should feel grateful that he can leave this fight with his life. But the limbs he lost in this battle, he should leave behind. They belong to Jon Stewart now. More “Daily Show” carnage below…
TLA Releasing all-time gay best sellers!
We cannot display this galleryWell, there was good news and bad news coming out of last night’s election. Here’s some of the bad news…
It looks like Proposition 8 Prop Hate, the California initiative to ban same-sex marriage, will pass with a narrow 52% majority in part because of ambivalence from the Obama-Biden ticket but mainly because of a push from the religious right.
The $44 million crusade by religious conservatives to reverse the California Supreme Court ruling in favor of marriage equality was one of the most expensive campaigns of the political season. Just think of all the poor and disadvantaged people that could’ve been helped with all that cash. Most of this money came from out-of-state, making the amendment to California’s state constitution all the more egregious.
According to some estimates, 77% of Prop Hate’s funding came from members of the Mormon Church. Maybe they should do something about the child-abusing, polygamist loonies in their own ranks before they start imposing their views about marriage and family on the rest of us. Get the mote out of thine own eye and all that…
My respect for the Mormon Church and the religious right in general couldn’t get any lower. Don’t forget that these so-called Christians gave us eight years of the worst, most corrupt president in U.S. history. A man whose gift to the world was an unnecessary war and economic policies that created a global financial crisis. Their support of George W. Bush came largely because he campaigned on wedge issues — like opposition to gay rights. And now the entire planet is worse off because of their reactionary, short-sighted politics.
Have these self-righteous busybodies ever mobilized on such a scale against homelessness or health care reform or any other cause that would improve people’s lives in any meaningful way? Or is it all about running on hate with these assholes?
Gay porn stars Brent Everett, Tyler Saint and Michael Lucas all took advantage of California’s brief flirtation with marriage equality. Looks like they — and 18,000 other gay and lesbian couples — are in legal limbo now. But word is Robin Tyler and Diane Olson — the first gay couple to legally marry in California — are filing a lawsuit against Prop Hate.
Hail to the Chief; he’s the one we all say hail to at TLA Video!
A young Republican from Pennsylvania named Marshall McCurdy filed a rape charge against Bruce Barclay, medical the Republican commissioner of Cumberland County. Police obtained a warrant to search Barclay’s home, cialis but instead of finding evidence to support the rape charge, look they found videotapes. Hours and hours of videotapes showing hundreds of sexual encounters between Barclay and other men. Barclay used high-tech surveillance cameras to tape these encounters and apparently did it without consent from his partners.
On the upside, these tapes vindicated Barclay by proving he had consensual sex with his 20-year-old accuser. On the downside, since he videotaped these sex acts without permission, he might face charges for invading the privacy of his male conquests. He’s also in hot water because the men on these sex tapes were hired from a now-defunct escort site called harrisburgfratboys.com. Barclay, who was forced to resign over the scandal, admitted hiring male prostitutes on a weekly basis. In one instance he flew an escort to his second home in Florida and paid him $1,500 for his services.
As for his accuser, Marshall McCurdy could end up serving a three-year prison sentence for filing a false police report against his former lover.
All this talk of secret trysts between conservative closet-cases and gay-for-pay frat boys evokes images of Sean Cody-style wankery. Or, perhaps, images of Michael C. Hall as David Fisher eating ice cream off Christopher Gorham’s washboard abs. If you happen to find any of this titillating, let me remind you of something.
This is the face of the typical closeted gay Republican.
It’s a face desiccated by the ravages of denial and self-hate. It’s the face of a man who has to suppress the urge to sing “The Trolley Song” every morning when he takes a shower because his oblivious wife might begin to suspect something. It’s the face of a man who has to pretend he enjoys football. The face of a man who must purposefully avert his eyes during the huddle lest someone notice he’s staring at the tight end’s tight end. This is the face of a man who would frequently risk everything — his career, his reputation, and probably his health — for some cheap thrills with a parade of total strangers because he’s unwilling to live honestly, out in the open.